Choices

1. I can choose to be happy or angry.
2. I can choose to be nice or mean.
3. I can choose to help or hinder.
4. I can choose to enjoy the moment or worry about the future.
5. I can choose to enjoy the process or stress about the outcome.
6. I can choose to be friendly or standoffish.
7.  I choose my attitude.  No one else is in control of my attitude.

It took me a long time to figure these things out.  I'm working on them daily.  My intentions for this year are:
1. Raise as much money as possible for childhood cancer research.
2. Treat others the way I want to be treated.
3. Promote  Fresh Radio
4. Promote Old School Hip Hop
5. Promote Chill Electronica
6. Read as much as possible
7. Listen more
8. Judge less
9. Give more
10. improve each day in some way
11. Complete a century ride
12. finish more 5k's this year than I ever have completed
13. Smile More, Grumble Less
14. Be Happier than I ever have been

Moments

1.    It’s no fun being angry….all the time….

2.    If I was married to Halle Berry, I would wish I was married to Megan Fox & Paula Patton as well.

3.    If I had my dream car, I would wish it was newer or a different color. 

4.    If I looked like Shemar Moore, I would wish I looked like Brad Pitt instead.

5.    If I was famous I would wish that I was more famous or not famous at all.

6.    If I was a billionaire, I would wish that I was a trillionaire. 

7.    I would buy music because someone else said it was good and most of the time I did not even like it or I don’t even listen to it anymore.

8.    I would be a stay at home dad, then I would wish that I wasn’t so bored. 
9. I will do a better job of staying in touch with my friends instead of keeping myself the center of everyone's attention.  

Why can’t I stay in the moment and be happy with what I have?  It would be a lot easier.  Instead, I worry about things I don’t have or believe I need to have to make me happy.  In the long run, things won’t make me happy in the long run.  Short term, I will be happy with that new CD, but in the long term it will just collect dust like so many others.  Some CD’s were worth the purchase and I will listen to them forever.  I have shirts and shoes I wouldn’t wear since I thought I would mess them up.  One pair of shoes was messed up when I tried to wear them, so protecting them didn’t help at all.  If a shirt I love doesn’t look as good as it did before, it’s OK.  I can either get a new one or keep wearing the old one.  One thing I have changed is that I don’t let people’s feelings about my appearance matter anymore.  I have a beard because I wanted to have one.  I’m not concerned that it’s mostly gray.  Other people may say, “You need to color that.”  I’ve been telling them, “As long as I like it, it should not matter if its gray or purple. “  It is hard trying to feel good in my own skin.  It takes plenty of work.  I finally feel that I’m worth the work it takes to be the best me I can be.  I’m trying to be a better person and stay in the moment, but that takes even more work.  Daily improvement is the goal.  The great thing is that I am improving.      

Changes I've Been Going Through....

1. I no longer feel the need to live & die with any sports teams.  I still enjoy sports, but if a team loses I'm ok with it.
2. I read A LOT
3. I meditate
4. I don't worry if someone likes or dislikes my appearance.  I know my beard is grey.  I still like it.  I'm not changing it.
5. I go into each day hoping to help someone
6. I'm growing my hair to have it cut off for St. Baldricks day on March 8, 2014
7. I retired from Facebook
8. I'm close to becoming a vegan.  If I don't want to cause anyone pain I shouldn't indirectly cause animals any pain either.

Sleep don't come easy.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zulKcYItKIA
It's been a hard last few months.  I don't sleep well which in turn keeps me from going to the gym.  Since I changed my diet, I haven't gained weight, but I don't exercise either.  People have told me that I need to fill my time with something productive.  Hopefully, I can get back in the swing of things. The following link is for my warrior dash in September.  I'm trying to raise money for St. Jude's hospital.  https://waystohelp.stjude.org/sjVPortal/public/displayUserPage.do?userId=985640&programId=2252&eventId=357653
Brenda wants to go to Florida.  I don't want to go because of worried about money as usual.  She's going to win out.  We planned this trip before Amaya passed.  It's something we need to do as a family.  I'll worry about money whether we go on the trip or not.  It's in my DNA.  I'll just work some more of my side jobs.  Each day I miss Amaya.  You can be sad, but you can't let it call the shots.  Bad things happen but you can still live.  I'm trying to live by both of those quotes, but its tough.  One moment at a time.  That's all I can do right now. 

#VegansRock #FreshRadio

Vegan – A few months ago, I decided to become a vegan.  I started out slowly, first by being a vegetarian for 3 months.  I gave up meat, but still ate dairy products & eggs.  Since the start of February I have not had any dairy or eggs at all.  The reasoning behind this was twofold.  One was I wanted to be nicer to the animals.  I read some books by the Dalai Lama, and I wanted to change my ways to become a better human.  Secondly, I wanted to become healthier.  I lost a lot of weight the last few years, and I wanted to keep it off & giving up meat, dairy, & white sugar would help that happen.  Also, I gave up coffee.  It’s not good for your body, but boy do I miss it!   

Fresh Radio http://fresh.wwradio.net/ - I love this station.  You are probably saying, “I can’t find this station on my radio.”  That is correct, but you can find it on the internet.  I think it is the best station you can find anywhere.  Hold up, let me change that…It IS the best station you can find.  It was created by DJ Bee two years ago.  He is keeping the culture of good music alive, along with listeners to the station who are known as the Freshians.    During the year, there are events called Fresh Friday.  There is a guest DJ along with DJ Bee, and they spin records that range from hip hop, to R & B, to grunge, to rock, to house, to Go Go.  There is so much dancing and fun, it should be illegal. No problems or issues ever occur because everyone just wants to have fun and enjoy themselves.   I’ve met a lot of great people by listening to Fresh Radio!  So stop wasting your time with those other stations and get on the Fresh Train!

#changes

Cancer has changed me so much. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me because unlike Amaya, I had a choice. I chose wrong.  I seem to choose wrong a lot when it comes to my attitude.  I let cancer make me angry & steal my joy. I stole other people's joy as well. I let it make me worry.  Before we do anything we think of cancer first. Lets go on vacation...no we need to make sure we have money in case something happens. No, we cant, Ive got to go to work to Try to make some more money for medical bills. Let's go out of town.....no we don't want to miss time with Amaya.  It's all we think about....cancer & if she will make it. Everyday it's on our minds. The problem is, we don't enjoy our moments because we cloud it all up with cancer. I've lost contact with family being angry all the time. Don't be like me & miss out on so many moments worrying about what you can't control.  Don't let life stress you so much that you can't enjoy life.  Tell the people you love how you feel every day, whether they are far or near.  yes, stop & smell the roses. Enjoy life. Find your joy & keep it no matter the situation.  It will be hard, but I'm sure it will be worth it.
I will never stop hoping for a cure and a miracle.  No one knows what the future holds.  But I will stop the anger & worrying.  I will treat the people I care about better. I will listen to Fresh Radio.  I will find my passion again & do great things.