It is what it is.......

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tECCvdWEweA - classic Whodini I miss the 80s. 

I have learned a few things since my now 7 year old daughter was been diagnosed with cancer a few years ago. Here are some of them:

1. Flexibility-You never know when things are going to change. An emergency surgery, MRI, sickness, or something else will put a wrench in any plans that you may have. Therefore, when things do change I tend to take them in stride. I have no choice. It doesn’t help anyone if I get stressed over a large or small change of plans. It is what it is. I have no control over a lot of things. For example, I couldn’t control the fact that she has cancer. I can control the decisions we make about her treatment though. So I worry about that and try not to worry about the other stuff.

2. Lying- I am a very good liar and so is my wife. People ask me, “How are you?” My answer is always, “We’re good”. Most of the time, I’m lying to you. Please, don’t take it personal. There are reasons I lie to you. The biggest is I don’t want to be a complainer. I do complain about my fantasy team, but I do that just because it’s fun. Not because it really stresses me out anymore. If I win that’s great, if not that’s ok as well.  People hate complainers. I don’t like complainers, especially ones that complain about little stuff. “SHUT UP WITH THE COMPLAINING “is what I want to say to them. Lunch duty for a week is it that big of a deal? Not really! We could always compare problems and see who has more. I think I would win hands down. Just saying. For the most part, people really don’t want to know how a person is doing anyway, which is fine. It’s just being nice. Also, I don’t want to cry in front of most people. More on that later. Plus, some people do have it worse so I try not to throw my issues on them as well, or act as though my problems are more important than theirs. So I lie, and I’m good at it. Yes, I do like that outfit you have on today.  And yes, that is a lie.  Except when I talk to my wife.  She looks good in anything. 

3. Motivated – My motivation has changed. I want to do EVERYTHING I can to help get rid of cancer.  Everything and anything!  If that means, going to DC every summer, I’m there. It could be I have to train for an athletic event, I’ll do it. I may have to help another family out by talking with them, done. I find out as much as I can about cancer and ways to fight. That is my goal, and will be until I’m long gone. I really didn’t have passion about anything that mattered like I do now about kicking cancers behind.

4. Sensitivity – Before diagnosis, I was a sissy. Now I’m a super sissy. I cried while watching most movies. Fried Green Tomatoes, Steel Magnolias, and Beaches are just a few of them. I won't watch them again.  Now it’s worse. When I see certain people and they ask about Amaya, I tear up. It happened this past weekend. I was good until she said “How are you doing?” That was it. I did all I could not to burst into tears. Most days I’m good though, but I stay away from all tearjerkers like the Lion King.  And I will never watch the Color Purple in its entirety.  Don't feel like crying so much that I get a headache. 

short but sweet

I love this song.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C4D1HSL7P98
No word about the treatment plan as of yet.  The people up in Boston are going to look at the pathology tomorrow.  We should know something shortly after that happens.  We are trying to be patient and not worry to much about it, but at times it is hard. 


This is a great story.  http://www.wlwt.com/family/21429609/detail.html

@#$%!!!!!!!!!

This is my song dedicated to cancer.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-7l250E5uM4&feature=fvw 
All I can say is.....cancer sux.  She's 7.  7!!!  Not 67, 77, 87, 97, just 7.  I would gladly trade places with her.  In a second.  We've been blessed for a couple years and didn't have to worry about the doctor visits every week.  Just every 3 months.  This will change soon.  I just want this dang cancer to go away.  Like parachute pants or Michael Bolton.  We will fight this disease with all our might.  We are gonna knock it out!!  Just so you know I am trying my best not to be very angry right now.  I really just want to curse and scream and break stuff, but that's not a good idea.  So instead, I will write.  And try to add as much humor as possible.  It's hard, but I'm trying not to be hateful right now. 
The chemo was terrible.  It made her sick and tired.  Her hair fell out.  She hated that part.  She liked wearing wigs.  It was hard to get her to stop.  The accessing of the port was even worse.  Kicking and screaming and yelling and crying.  The masks out in public, so she wouldn't get sick.  The extra precautions with everything so she wouldn't get a fever and end up back in the hospital for days.  All that will happen again in some way, shape or form.  It could be radiation as well or by itself.  We won't know until after the doctor goes to tumor board, and then talks with the other doctors he knows that deal with brain tumors.  Please, pray for my little girl.  She deserves to grow up and drive another man crazy because she wants everything she sees on TV.  http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/amayarose
I need some angry music right now.  This will make me feel better. 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3F-Rsx4o7TA&feature=channel
Ok, I lied, I needed happy music.  This video and song makes me laugh.  I remember watching them at the Fresh Fest with Run DMC, LL, and the Fat Boys.  Great show!  They just wanted to be stupid and have fun.  I like doing that too.  I watched the VH1 Hip Hop honors.  I have a couple gripes.  1. LL helped build Def Jam.  You should have done EVERYTHING possible to get him to perform.  2. Where was Slick Rick?  Other than that I enjoyed a glimpse into my teenage years.  3.  Why not more Public Enemy?  That's good angry music. 
The rest of the family is doing well. Brenda took the news well. I'm surprised at how well.  I guess when we found out it was changing, she knew it was inevitable that this would happen.  Taylor is working hard in school.  Kai is eating.  A lot.  Too much.  I am looking for extra money just to support his formula habit. 
He needs an intervention.  Brenda read this and said it was ok, even though she cried a little.  But she laughed as well.  So I guess it is good to go.

The battle continues....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lgkiqXwK-8Y

Another angel is now gone.  Jose passed away earlier this week.  http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/joseandres  I am on a mission, and my mission is to destroy cancer.  Please, help in any way that you can now and in the future.  In 2010, I am going to do a couple events to help raise money.  More on that later.