Collateral Beauty

Don't listen to the critics.  Go see it.  Take some tissues.

Ron Sims national (actually Newport News) Hug Day

I was feeling a little down this morning before work, so I decided to try something new.  I was going to hug every one of my coworkers.  This was WAY out of the box for me.  I've heard that you can bring joy to yourself if you give to others.  Why not try it by giving hugs?  I wanted to show the people that I work with that I love them for who they are and what they do for a living.  I am there for them when they need me.  Events in my life have forced me to understand that love is the answer to most questions.  I started at carpool, walked through the halls, and into offices. New and old colleagues could not escape the Hugging madman!   I didn't care if anyone felt awkward, even my self....I was giving them a hug. One lady asked, "What if they don't want a hug?"  I said, "Too bad, I'm giving them one anyway!"   It felt good to do something without expecting anything in return.  I'm going to do something else to bring joy to others this holiday season. I challenge you to hug as many people as you can each day.  As one of my fellow teachers Kelly Alford says, "Feel the Love."

On my way...

I remember my father told me that I was "angry."  I took it personal at first, but he was right.  I was angry at him because he didn't act the way I wanted him to when Amaya was diagnosed.  I was mad at my 3 youngest sisters because I felt they were treated better than I was growing up.  And yet, none of them did anything to hurt me.  My expectations were higher for others than they were for myself.  I wanted people to treat me better than I treated them, as if the world owed me something for my background.  Since I didn't like her mother, I was upset with my eldest daughter.  But that wasn't fair because she didn't choose her parents.  My students wouldn't  I would get mad at my wife since I thought she should act a certain way.  I was mad at my daughter's cancer and how it made things so difficult.  
I would get mad at friends because they wouldn't keep in contact with me.  The crazy part is that I wouldn't stay in contact with them.  So, how could I get mad at others when I didn't do my part.  I would be upset that I didn't have enough $ for the material items I wanted to buy.  When I really didn't need the items in the first place.  I thought they would make me happy.  The items only made me happy for a short while.  Material items aren't what makes you happy.  Only I can make myself happy, with the help of getting in touch with my best self and God.   The reason I'm writing this down is to help with my therapy.  I finally figured this all out....a few months ago.  I'm 44 right now, and God has helped me see the error in my ways.  I wasted so much time begin angry at everyone instead of understanding that my choices put me where I am in my life.  Not my dad, sisters, wife, kids, friends,......it's my choices.  I was put on this Earth to be peaceful and make it a better place.  I wasn't put here to be angry and lonely.  I was put here to LOVE and BE LOVED!  So I have joined Happify, Happier, Gratitude Daily, Pastor Osteen's and Warren's pages in order to help with my journey.  On Facebook and Twitter, my posts are as positive as I can make them in order to spread around love to my friends and family.
http://24hoursofhappy.com/ 

Choices

1. I can choose to be happy or angry.
2. I can choose to be nice or mean.
3. I can choose to help or hinder.
4. I can choose to enjoy the moment or worry about the future.
5. I can choose to enjoy the process or stress about the outcome.
6. I can choose to be friendly or standoffish.
7.  I choose my attitude.  No one else is in control of my attitude.

It took me a long time to figure these things out.  I'm working on them daily.  My intentions for this year are:
1. Raise as much money as possible for childhood cancer research.
2. Treat others the way I want to be treated.
3. Promote  Fresh Radio
4. Promote Old School Hip Hop
5. Promote Chill Electronica
6. Read as much as possible
7. Listen more
8. Judge less
9. Give more
10. improve each day in some way
11. Complete a century ride
12. finish more 5k's this year than I ever have completed
13. Smile More, Grumble Less
14. Be Happier than I ever have been

Moments

1.    It’s no fun being angry….all the time….

2.    If I was married to Halle Berry, I would wish I was married to Megan Fox & Paula Patton as well.

3.    If I had my dream car, I would wish it was newer or a different color. 

4.    If I looked like Shemar Moore, I would wish I looked like Brad Pitt instead.

5.    If I was famous I would wish that I was more famous or not famous at all.

6.    If I was a billionaire, I would wish that I was a trillionaire. 

7.    I would buy music because someone else said it was good and most of the time I did not even like it or I don’t even listen to it anymore.

8.    I would be a stay at home dad, then I would wish that I wasn’t so bored. 
9. I will do a better job of staying in touch with my friends instead of keeping myself the center of everyone's attention.  

Why can’t I stay in the moment and be happy with what I have?  It would be a lot easier.  Instead, I worry about things I don’t have or believe I need to have to make me happy.  In the long run, things won’t make me happy in the long run.  Short term, I will be happy with that new CD, but in the long term it will just collect dust like so many others.  Some CD’s were worth the purchase and I will listen to them forever.  I have shirts and shoes I wouldn’t wear since I thought I would mess them up.  One pair of shoes was messed up when I tried to wear them, so protecting them didn’t help at all.  If a shirt I love doesn’t look as good as it did before, it’s OK.  I can either get a new one or keep wearing the old one.  One thing I have changed is that I don’t let people’s feelings about my appearance matter anymore.  I have a beard because I wanted to have one.  I’m not concerned that it’s mostly gray.  Other people may say, “You need to color that.”  I’ve been telling them, “As long as I like it, it should not matter if its gray or purple. “  It is hard trying to feel good in my own skin.  It takes plenty of work.  I finally feel that I’m worth the work it takes to be the best me I can be.  I’m trying to be a better person and stay in the moment, but that takes even more work.  Daily improvement is the goal.  The great thing is that I am improving.      

Changes I've Been Going Through....

1. I no longer feel the need to live & die with any sports teams.  I still enjoy sports, but if a team loses I'm ok with it.
2. I read A LOT
3. I meditate
4. I don't worry if someone likes or dislikes my appearance.  I know my beard is grey.  I still like it.  I'm not changing it.
5. I go into each day hoping to help someone
6. I'm growing my hair to have it cut off for St. Baldricks day on March 8, 2014
7. I retired from Facebook
8. I'm close to becoming a vegan.  If I don't want to cause anyone pain I shouldn't indirectly cause animals any pain either.

Sleep don't come easy.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zulKcYItKIA
It's been a hard last few months.  I don't sleep well which in turn keeps me from going to the gym.  Since I changed my diet, I haven't gained weight, but I don't exercise either.  People have told me that I need to fill my time with something productive.  Hopefully, I can get back in the swing of things. The following link is for my warrior dash in September.  I'm trying to raise money for St. Jude's hospital.  https://waystohelp.stjude.org/sjVPortal/public/displayUserPage.do?userId=985640&programId=2252&eventId=357653
Brenda wants to go to Florida.  I don't want to go because of worried about money as usual.  She's going to win out.  We planned this trip before Amaya passed.  It's something we need to do as a family.  I'll worry about money whether we go on the trip or not.  It's in my DNA.  I'll just work some more of my side jobs.  Each day I miss Amaya.  You can be sad, but you can't let it call the shots.  Bad things happen but you can still live.  I'm trying to live by both of those quotes, but its tough.  One moment at a time.  That's all I can do right now.